Max Gutmann

The Wicked Lord  
    From Don Juan Finish’d

Meanwhile, this seems as good a place as any
  To introduce the famous “wicked Lord,”
The 5th Lord Byron, figure of whom many
  Romantic legends once were spun. Abhor’d
And shunn’d by people from the moment when he
  Ran through his neighbour Chaworth with a sword.
Freed, though convicted of the fatal stab, he
Liv’d exil’d at his manor, Newstead Abbey.

It ’s said that, just to spite his sons, he fell’d
  All trees upon the grounds — a spite which awes —
And that the only friends with whom he dwell’d
  Were crickets, whom he fed and train’d with straws,
Which sounds absurd, but mightn’t one expell’d
  By nice Society, from whom its laws
Drew forth but apathy’s derisive shrugs,
Not “turn and live with animals”? (Or bugs?)

Content to live and hate and to be hated —
  Not least of all by those whom he had sired —
He no doubt felt great joy as he frustrated
  His heirs by living on as they expir’d —
A pleasure which should not be underrated
  For anyone who feels his death desir’d.
He liv’d to see the family tree so bare
A ten-year-old grandnephew stood his heir.

And when at last the man did meet his maker,
  That boy — In Scotland since he had been two —
Inherited the many treeless acre
  And Newstead Abbey, and the title. Few
Remain’d who cared to pay the undertaker;
  Perhaps the wicked Lord’s remains made do
With lodging of less elegance than when
He ’d been among the ranks of living men;

This I don’t know, and must accept the blame
  When some bright critic who by heart can cite all
The funeral expenses tosses shame
  Upon my ignorance. I thought the vital
Point was that young George Gordon thus became
  Lord Byron. When his teacher used the title,
Meaning, no doubt, to flatter his young pride,
He made a sensible response: he cry’d.

I don’t say he was right. That ’s altogether
  A diff’rent matter. No, the condescension
Of spouting my opinion about whether
  The boy was threaten’d isn’t my intention.
On such, my muse would never waste her breath. Her
  Broad-mindedness, here, even scorns to mention
That while Lord Byron ’s on our tongues a lot,
The name George Gordon ’s largely been forgot. 

Max Gutmann has contributed to dozens of publications including New Statesman, Able Muse, and Cricket. His plays have appeared throughout the U.S. and have been well-reviewed (see maxgutmann.com). His book There Was a Young Girl from Verona sold several copies.